The Giant Electric Penguin folks are up to no good again. This time they’re going around with the 5 Lamest Examples of Feline Abuse, without giving the reader the other side of the argument – namely that Felines are dangerous and must be stopped at all costs.  Here are just five examples:
James the Cat on Family Guy

It was a good thing Peter killed it when he did. That cat was a raging maniac. Just look what he did to Joe’s leg!

Cat From Hell – Tales from the Darkside

In one of the film’s stories, an old rich man hires a hit man to kill an evil black cat that won’t leave his house and killed three other occupants. The hit man has a hard time killing the cat, as the cat has some supernatural ability to avoid bullets and traps. In fact this cat is completely evil and makes the hit man go crazy with rage. Take a look at this YouTube clip. 3:25 and 5:50 are the highlights in this 10 min clip from the film.
“My goodness that was a scary story!”

Church the cat in Pet Cemetery

After the family cat is killed, Louis Creed buries him in the old Mi’kmaq burial ground. The next day the cat returns, but smells of death. He starts killing birds and mice much more often, but never eats them. It is now a demonic cat (but since all cats are demonic to begin with, it’s more of a Super Sized dose of demonic).
“Sometimes, dead is better.” (indeed)

Socks the White House Cat

Bill Clinton’s pet cat Socks was an asset during the campaign of ‘92, but after Clinton was elected president he noticed odd things about Socks’ behavior. Late nights out, erratic behavior, one absurd excuse after another (but enough about Bill ha ha). The end finally came when Bill learned Socks was behind the 1994 murder of presidential aide Vince Foster. Socks made it look like a suicide. And besides, no one would believe a cat had killed a 48 year old man in his car with a gun, then drove the car to a federal park where the police have no jurisdiction to investigate. It was the puuuuurfect crime.  Bill eventually gave socks to his secretary Bettie Currie and Socks was put down in 2009 after a 4 state chase and shootout with police.

Garbage Lawson

Yes, the GEP’s own pet cat, Garbage is the worst cat in the world. Much worse than the previous four cats combined! Inbred and insane, this cat has been seen by neighbors killing small animals, large Buffalo and the occasional Jehovah’s Witness. Local church leaders have condemned this cat as “Satan’s Pussy.” Despite many warnings from friends, family and ghosts, Garbage remains alive in his owner’s house. Local psychic, Donna Butterfield, had a terrible dream and drew this sketch on a napkin three days ago. Will it come true? We shall see…